I’ve had a rough few months. I don’t just mean the day-to-day stressors and inconveniences of life, but actual “I want to quit” kind of rough.
Lots of things in my life broke down, including finances, family relationships, long-time friends, and my own sense of self-worth.
If you are a human reading this (I have a few aliens on my list), you can probably relate to moments or even long-term disasters or a dearth of happiness. This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve struggled, but it is the first time I’ve had a desire to observe myself throughout the process.
I’ve been fixated on the thought that we can’t go around, over, or under hardships.
The only way out is through.
Like drinking poison, it can feel like we would rather it kill us than incapacitate or often disable us for a time.
Even worse is when we aren’t delivered and are forced to continue drinking the poison day after day, week after week, and heaven forbid but sometimes, year after year.
I had always felt bad for Dumbledore (yes, I’m referencing Harry Potter) when he has Harry force him to drink the potion one shell at a time until the horcrux is revealed. I don’t know if J.K. Rowling intended there to be a lesson beyond suffering for a reward, but it’s a great visual representation of our souls when we have to continue drinking the poison, often yelling “kill me!” in the process.
So here I am, about seven months into the hardships that have plagued me, still drinking the poison that now has turned into a tonic.
The heartbreak of lost family and friends has turned to a peaceful desire to care for myself in a way nobody ever would. This isn’t to say those lost were bad or selfish; I needed a change in expectation of where my fulfillment came from.
I’ve adjusted my lens financially, allowing myself to rest from monetary labors to enjoy what used to be unimportant short-term joys. I had fallen victim to more work now for reward later.
The list goes on, but the takeaway is that the poison that seemed so likely to overtake me has slowly turned into a healing tonic for my soul and mind.
Do I wish it was all fixed right now?
Sometimes.
Most of the time, my desire is to be patient and learn from my experiences instead of getting out of them.
Leading me to my last lesson learned:
Lobsters are Kind of Jerks
You probably already know that lobsters live at the bottom of the ocean and scavenge for food. They are crustaceans with hard shells and claws. Nothing that exciting.
Did you know, though, that male lobsters, much like the rest of the animal kingdom, have a hierarchy that lasts a lifetime?
Again, it may not sound that interesting.
Just give me two more minutes, and I’ll tie this all together.
When male lobsters are putting down roots, as we say, they will travel looking for suitable areas for food, shelter, and female lobsters.
As you would expect, the best areas are disputed over, with the victorious lobster winning the area, which includes all the food, lodging, and all the women (yes, all of them). No booty for the losers.
The losing lobster will bow its head and retreat in a physical show of subordination. The winning lobster will literally lift up its body as high as possible in a kind of haughty show of superiority.
For the rest of the losing lobster’s life, it will more often decline future conflicts and keep its head down in order to avoid fights for territory or females.
Scientists took notice and did some research, finding that serotonin and octopamine were the big culprits. Winning lobsters had an increase in serotonin, and losers had a decrease, with octopamine performing the opposite.
Chemicals found in our brains as humans that can alter our moods and ability to function were, in the case of lobsters, critically changed based on successes and failures.
With positive outcome loops, we end up in similar situations of expected failures or successes based on usually very traumatic situations.
The hardest part is for those with lower levels of serotonin because it feels almost impossible to create any sort of gumption to pull themselves out of the misery.
Yes, I’ve had some rough months.
Ones where I honestly figured it would be easier and better if I kept my head down and quit searching for fulfillment, successes, and joy.
I’ve realized, though, that #1, the only way out is through the hard, and #2, when you take a hit, you MUST move forward with your head up and view things with rose-colored glasses, if not only for your own sake.
I know this applies to everyone.
We all have it tough at one point or another.
Some of us might be feeling it now. Some might remember when it was hard years ago, and others might be freaking out thinking, “Something terrible is going to happen?!!!”
Yeah, sorry, Suzie. Better buckle up and get ready.
Love ya,
- Joseph
