I can’t take credit for this quote and I’m guessing there is a strong chance you’ve heard it before. It’s quite a lovely thought and one that I believe very much to be true.
If you reverse the quote and dissect the meaning, the initial thought centers around the word “how”.
How for me is usually accompanied by difficult choices or circumstances that either I have or want to overcome.
As I get older the haves or wants change but the question of how remains the same.
Based on where I was in life here are a few of the things that I wanted to create, overcome, accomplish etc. I’ll try to write them in the order I felt or desired them:
- Get a bedroom like the cool boys on the movie “3 Ninjas”
- Become popular
- Learn to breakdance
- Have one of the popular girls want to be my gf
- Learn to talk to others without shyness
- Make a lot of money
- Finish college
- Have others respect me
- Receive awards/recognition
- Find and be loved by someone
- Have children
- Enjoy freedom
- Be courageous
- Forgive others who don’t deserve it
- Become an anonymous philanthropist
- Be an absolute joy and light to someone else
- Love and take care of myself
The list goes on.
The how for some of these are relatively simple. The first one stemmed from watching the movie when I was about 7 and wanting more than anything to be cool.
Although we had no money, my brother and I were able to find odd jobs like cleaning out a maggot infested dumpster to earn enough to buy similar bedspreads as in the movie.
Our parents bought us bean bags and other items making our room in my memory “incredibly cool”.
Other items like “Have others respect me” were much harder and began to fade away as I focused more on the first part of the quote:
“He who has a why”
The last desire to be respected was never rooted in a good enough why. Like anyone else I wanted to be respected for it’s obvious benefits such as ego, pride and self esteem bolstering.
Hollow as it was, I still desired it.
The desire however couldn’t stand the test of time, as my why was not strong enough to stick around for very long.
The really beautiful thought behind this idea is simply that there are no right or wrong desires.
Everyone will have a different why, and almost nobody’s why is incorrect… just different.
I may have wanted a 3 ninja’s bedroom, but my sisters wanted polly pockets.
As we surrender our will to the why in our lives, we generally don’t even have to think about the how.
Last Example
I wanted to earn more money as a teenager by necessity. I had to pay for my own car, insurance and gas. That alone was expensive enough to consume almost all the money I was making working full time at a grocery store.
I took a second job at the Taco Bell to try and save up a little extra but after a few months had to quit from pure exhaustion.
I had bigger goals as well like earning up $9,000 for a 2 year mission and additional funds for college afterwards.
My why wasn’t rooted in self serving or shallow desires. I truly needed to earn more money if I was every going to accomplish my goals.
The how didn’t come easy but after less than a year of struggling to work for myself in a newly formed service business, I was able to 5X my hourly wage and pull myself out of poverty and into a very lucrative business for a teenager.
If you would like to know the “how”, I’m happy to share exactly the process I followed to start a service business as a teenager, but that will need to be in another letter.
Point being, I went from being 16 making a few hundred a week to 17 making a couple thousand a week. By simply having a good enough why, the how solved itself.
I didn’t spend more money but instead saved and was able to pay for my goals and more. I financed cars for siblings and friends, bought another business and grew in self confidence.
Focus on your why first
Take a second and think about what it is you want right now. Maybe it’s love, maybe financial freedom or retirement, or maybe just a good hamburger.
I’ll wait…
Sometimes knowing what you want is difficult but usually we all have something we desire even if it’s deep down.
Now honestly asses and answer why you want it.
The more solid a reason you want or need something, the more likely the how will present itself.
I’ve worked very hard to trust my why so that desires that should be squashed are, and ones that should be nurtured get what they need.
Growth doesn’t come from mine or anyone else’s goals, challenges or experiences.
They are yours and yours alone. The beauty is that I can tell you to find your why and the how will solve itself and that truth will apply to you, even without me knowing exactly what it is you need.
May you find your why is my hope this week, and I know when you do the how will become easy.
Until next time.
-Joseph
